i hate you because…

Boss, I hate you because you send me emails and don't tell me what to do once I get them. What am I, a fucking mind reader? Next time, I'm just sending it back to you.... Dick.

Girlfriend, I hate you because I can literally set my watch to your "cycle", and every 28 days I get scared... really really scared.

Girlfriend, I hate you because whenever I write a "ihateyoubecause" you realize its me.

Ex-Boyfriend, I hate you because you weren't ready for this jelly.

Ex-Boyfriend, I hate you because you gave the impression you had balls, until now.

Friend, I hate you because even though you're my favorite person in the world, and I will gladly punch the lights out of anyone who ever makes you upset, I have no idea if you'd do the same for me.

Current Crush, I hate you because when you talk to me i get tung tied or look stupid or that i am not interested

Co-worker, I hate you because you're short and try to make up for it by being a big bitch.

Current Crush, I hate you because every time you look at me or talk to me I somehow forget how to speak.

Ex-Girlfriend, I hate you because you dumped me and then told me to talk to YOUR friend's about dealing with the break up.

Current Crush, I hate you because you made my IQ drop to zero and my EQ drop to -250 when I talk to you.

Current Crush, I hate you because you are 4 years younger than me and my ovaries are going to want more out of this relationship than you'll be ready for.

Brother, I hate you because you like Van Halen.

Friend, I hate you because you say "safe flight" to me every time I go on a plane. If you want to know if I arrived safe, just check the news.

Boyfriend, I hate you because you can be te sweetest person in the world, but its excessive. and the extremely rare time you arent being lovey is when ur asking for sex.