i hate you because…

Girlfriend, I hate you because you never existed.

Girlfriend, I hate you because you kicked me out of your apartment when I was wasted, causing me to leave your apartment in a drunken stuper, pee down a subway ramp, curse at random strangers, and then eat street-meat. So basically, its all your fault.

Girlfriend, I hate you because you take credit for my "lines"...

Girlfriend, I hate you because you always have time for him but never me, I thought I was your boyfriend. P.S. I hate him now.

Girlfriend, I hate you because whenever my sisters friends are at our house, thats when you decide to yell at me the most.

Girlfriend, I hate you because you prentend to be bad at giving massages just so that you don't have to give one to me. Everyone is good at massages.

Girlfriend, I hate you because we talk on the phone for hours and I don't feel like you're listening to me. Between your computer, cell, and the tv, I know you're up to something, and it's not listening to me.

Girlfriend, I hate you because no matter what I will always love you. And it's forcing me to choose between you and my family and friends.

Girlfriend, I hate you because you text me about the dumbest things. It's probably the reason why my responses to you are so boring...